Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Someone signed my nipple.
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