i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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