2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
