it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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