I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
two words: eviction party
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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