So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
