what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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