Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
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