sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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