Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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