M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
