VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
