I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
