I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
They are going to name an STD after you.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
