The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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