I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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