At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
