Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
