Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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