oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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