my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
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