You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
