I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
