my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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