found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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