You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
