Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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