he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
