I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
