OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
