Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
