He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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