Where is the hickey?
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
