oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Boobs speak an international language.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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