i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
