Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
