I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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