did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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