he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
