I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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