So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
