he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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