Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
