I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
this will be a night to untag.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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