sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
