Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
