Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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