I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
