So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
