I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
