We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
