i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
