Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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