Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
a search helicopter?!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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